Types of Body Language:

Body language can be divided into three general types or sources.

Universal: Universal body language is that which is common to all people, everywhere. Behaviors like this are evolved into us over hundreds of thousands or even millions of years.

Cultural: Cultural body language is that which is learned from a social group. This social group can be a nation, a family, a workplace or any other group that has it's own set of acceptable and taboo behaviors.

Individual: Individual body language, as the name suggests, is specific to a given person. That person may have developed a habit due to an event in their life, an injury, or their own sense of humor, style or personality.

While these three types of body language are different, there is some overlap. Dr. Paul Ekman did a study where pictures of people showing different facial expressions were shown to people around the world, even in very different cultures. He discovered that people everywhere could easily identify facial expressions of other people, even from different cultures. This pointed to facial expressions, an important type of body language, being universal.

In the study, they also noted, however, that Inuit people, while they could recognized expressions of anger or disgust, didn't seem to display those facial expressions. They discovered that Inuit children might sometimes show such expressions, but when they did they were ignored or even shunned.

That suggests that there is a cultural taboo among the Inuit against showing such facial expressions. Thus the cultural behavior overlaps and modifies the universal behavior.

Cultural behaviors can be anything from speaking with a certain accent, gesturing in a certain way when speaking, posture, greetings and so on.

Individual behaviors can be as varied and different as cultural behaviors. I, for example, tend to use the “thumbs up” gesture to signify agreement, positive attitude or appreciation. I'm not the only one that does this of course, but it's not as widely used in my circle of friends as it is by me. People just develop habits.

Being a Good Observer:

In order to better understand what's going on around you, you have to practice. And there are specific things you can do in your practice that will improve your ability to pick up on the non-verbal signals the people around you project.

• Be subtle.
  • In other words, don't stare. Don't make your observation obvious. People feel uncomfortable when they know they are being watched and that will make them behave differently. And if they are behaving differently because they know YOU are watching them, two bad things will happen. First, their altered behavior will only reflect their discomfort with YOU, not their feelings about anything else. Second, you will be perceived as creepy and to be avoided.
• Look for groups of behaviors.
  • Any single posture, gesture or behavior may have it's roots in something completely unexpected or unknown. (See my blog entry “Sometimes a Cigar is Just a Cigar”.) Don't assume you understand what someone is thinking or feeling unless you see several behaviors that appear to support the same conclusions.
• Be neutral.
  • Much like being subtle, if you are observing someone and you appear excited, hostile, friendly or otherwise emotionally involved, that will change how the people you are observing feel and thus muddy the signals they project.
• Admit your limitations.
  • Anyone can be wrong. The best polygraphs run by the most skilled operators are only 60% to 80% correct. So understand that you can be wrong and you WILL be wrong from time to time.

Sometimes a Cigar is Just a Cigar

That expression is often attributed to Sigmund Freud (though there is some question as to whether he actually said it). The expression refers to the habit of some people who studied Freudian psychology of assuming that anything roughly cylindrical, such as a cigar, was a phallic symbol. Freud was saying that this was not always the case.


So how does that relate to body language? Let me give you an example.

A friend of mine related this story to me. He was speaking with a woman who billed herself as an expert in body language. She asked him why he was so defensive. He asked her, surprised, why she thought he was defensive since he didn't “feel” defensive. She said he was obviously defensive because his arms were crossed as they were speaking.

She picked out one thing that might suggest defensiveness and assumed that he was defensive. In fact, crossed are may suggest defensiveness, but they may also suggest being a bit chilly or they may simply mean that he was shifting the position of his arms for comfort. (We all shift positions periodically or we get stiff and uncomfortable.)

As a side note, she further said that his denial of being defensive was also defensive. (How many of us with siblings have hear that one before!) That was another error on her part, this time of observation bias, but that's another story.

So remember, while different postures, gestures and other types of behaviors can give us clues as to what someone is thinking or feeling, one single behavior is not enough. People are projecting their inner world in a hundred ways at any given time. If you can't pick out at least three or four things that point to the same conclusion, then you don't have enough to go on.

The Dangers of Observer Bias

Do you know what observer bias is? It's when people see what they expect to see or what they want to see...because that's what they're looking for, often completely missing anything that contradicts their desire or expectation.

We all have it. This is a natural, human thing. But if you want to sharpen your ability to read people (or engage in any kind of exacting inquiry), you need to be aware of your own observer bias in order to mitigate it as much as possible.

This story was related to me by someone who was learning body language in a class. There was a break in class and my friend and another man from his class were sitting outside at a fountain having lunch.

The other man looked at a woman who was sitting some distance away, at right angles to the two men, speaking on her cell phone. The other man asked my friend what he could read from that woman.

My friend said that she appeared to be mostly oblivious to her surroundings and was wrapped up in the conversation she was having on the phone. She was not terribly uncomfortable but neither was she elated.

The man admonished my friend and said he was missing obvious signals. The woman, he said, was very obviously trying to attract his (the man speaking) attention. She was interested in him.

My friend looked again, saw no signs of that whatsoever, and ask his companion why he thought that.

Well, the man said, note how she is avoiding looking this way. She's embarrassed to be too forward. And notice how she sometimes taps her foot. Clearly she's excited. He went on to point out several “signals”, none of which actually pointed to her having any interest or even awareness of the men at the fountain.

From that story it's pretty clear WHO actually had a romantic interest. And it was not that woman.

Sadly, that sort of thing is not uncommon. But by being aware of your own bias you can, at least to an extent, look foolish a bit less often. :)